First Meeting with Berta

The records lobby mirrored Theo's office, only quite smaller. It boasted the same dingy carpets covering the floor, and more painted bricks lined the walls. The cramped reception desk held little space for much more than a computer. A single waiting chair did its best to be inviting.

It reminded me of the police station's interview rooms. I’d spent countless hours in them after my strange episode. They asked question after question about my life, all of which lacked answers. The first time I realized I was alone. The memories of it, etched in stone within my mind, felt so distant.

The seat behind the workstation sat empty. I considered ringing the little silver bell until one of the many oak doors lining the hall burst open. It slammed into the wall stopper hard, sending an echo throughout the space.

A pile of boxes came barreling out of the room. Only a sliver of the woman carrying them peeked out. Her black flats and grey pencil skirt, straining against her full hips, remained the only things visible.

She shimmied towards me before sitting them on the floor beside the desk. Grabbing a file off the mile-high stack, she fanned herself and turned to take her seat. She jumped when she spotted me.

"Oh, Savi, you done scared the bajesus outta me, child. What you tryna do, give ol’ Ms. Berta a heart attack?” She clutched the buttons near the top of her blouse. "Whew, Lord have mercy."

Berta lined up with the chair, pulling it to the back of her knees. Once she deemed it safe for landing, she plopped down and let out an exasperated sigh. "What brings you in here today, honey? I ain’t seen you in a while, child; how ya been getting on?”

“I’ve been better, but it appears they have you working hard, don’t they?” I gestured to the boxes.

“Whew yes, every time it’s a real gully washer out there, Kevin calls in sick. He can’t move up outta his bed for some reason or another but you and I both know he don’t wanna be out in this rain. Lord knows I don' wanna either but we got alotta work so now I have to do both our jobs today.”

“Gully washer? What’s a gully washer?” I stared at her with a curious expression. Ms. Berta was as Southern as they come. Every visit with her, I learned some new phrase or figure of speech. She liked to refer to them as her southernisms. But this one stumped me.

“Oh heavens to Betsy child, the rain. And the fact he’s inside on a day like this don’t make a lick a sense. Just 'cuz the devil’s beating his wife out there don’t mean you need to be hidin' inside. It’s the storms where the devil be bowling you gotta watch out for anyhow.”

Berta paused and a solemn expression crossed over her round face. “But bless his heart, now you didn’t hear this from me, but there’s a story going on out yonder his missus done took up with another fella. She plum ran off. And poor Kevin, I bet he’s in that big 'ol house having a dying duck fit about it and too ashamed to face the world. Lord knows if I had me a man and he ever ran out on me like that, well I’d be madder than a wet hen. I can tell ya that for sure.”

Berta halted her rant long enough to tell I was confused. “Awe bless your heart child, I know you ain’t over here to hear all this gum flappin’ and yappin. I’ll hush my buckets on up. Now, what can I do ya for?”

“I’m curious if there have been any updates on my case. Has anyone located an overlooked missing persons report or something? Or has someone come forward over the last few months? It’s a long shot, but I stopped getting regular calls from my caseworker. I thought I would drop in myself after my session with Dr. Barnes and check."

It had been a while since anyone else made any attempts to help. Dr. Barnes and Berta were my biggest cheerleaders, but I started to lose what Berta called faith. I fidgeted with my umbrella, knowing the answers were likely no, but I needed to at least ask.

“Let me pull you up and take a closer look, honey.” Berta slid her chair to her computer and typed away on her keyboard. Her long fingernails clanking every key louder than the last. "No, baby girl, nothin’s been updated yet, I’m so sorry. Oh, wait, here’s a note flagged I ain’t never seen before.”

She paused with a puzzled frown on her face and then her mouth formed a thin line. Tapping the keys a few more times, she stopped, adjusted her glasses, and looked closer at her screen. "Well, I’ll be.”

“What? What is it?” A lump formed in the back of my throat, and my stomach buzzed in my ears.

'Is it an update? Is today the day I find out some damned answers?'

My pulse quickened as she scanned the page. She read the note to herself before her expression went limp. There it was. The look. The one I’d gotten so used to seeing on people’s faces. The one that says they still don’t have answers.

“I’m so sorry, sugar. It seems like a fella came in here a couple weeks ago asking some questions they thought might have to do with your case.” Berta shifted back in her chair and scrolled her mouse wheel as she studied the note again. “It says here they asked about a girl who might have shown up with no memory or traces of confusion a few years back, so they brought him into interrogation room two.”

“And? What else does it say? Did they know me? Did they describe me?” Loud thuds rang through my ears. I posed more questions, losing patience as I waited for her to keep checking through the document.

“It says here that when the detective in charge of your case made it to the room, the gentleman left and—"

“Left? LEFT? They let him walk out without taking a statement, getting information, NOTHING?” My heart shattered deep within my chest, like it did every time I met with zero answers. Zero anything. Right back to square one.

“I’m so sorry Savi, the cameras didn’t catch a glimpse of him on his way in or out either so they have nuttin' to go by to try and find him again. It says in the note they are keeping an eye out and put his description in your file but the officer on duty that night didn’t see him good, unfortunately. Says tall, muscular, and dark skinned.”

She looked at me with pity, knowing how this hurt. I saw in her face how it pained her to tell me as much as it stung when it landed in my ears. The tightness in my chest swelled up again.

“That’s it?” I wrestled the tears, willed them to stay. I fought a losing battle with Dr. Barnes today, and now I forfeit the war. Berta must have seen it plastered on my face clear as day. Her face softened as she rose from her chair and embraced me.

I stood in her arms, weeping, as she ran her hand over my head, shushing me. If she hadn’t been holding me, I would have fled, screaming. I'd have searched for something, anything, to hold me grounded. Keep me from buckling completely. For now, I settled for the gentle caress of Berta’s hands, breathing in her familiar perfume to help calm my nerves.

“There, there sweet child. It ain’t much and the officer shoulda gotten more but look on the bright side darlin', it’s something. It’s a start. It’s one step closer than you were last week. Heavens knows they work me to the bone and I’m in records. Them poor officers are bein' run ragged and it was the middle of the night. Don’t hold anger on them sugar. They be doin' their best. Maybe this fella will come back again. You’re worth coming back for and don’t let no one tell you otherwise, you understand me girl?”

Berta pulled back and lifted my chin. “You’ll find your people, sweetheart; the good Lord is 'gonna see to that. Now dry up them crocodile tears and let’s move on to the good news.”

She shimmied around the desk and scooted her monitor closer. “God’s gon' work this one out for ya, you’ll see. It also says here you’re only five weeks out from gettin' ya new papers! That’s gotta be super excitin’ to be able to finally have an identity again! I can’t imagine what you done been through, child. I pray for you every night, you know that, right? I say 'Lord, help this baby girl find her peoples and we gotta give it to God.”

The crushing loss still reeled in my chest, but I managed to fake a slight smile at Berta. I knew what she said was true. Everyone kept doing all they could, regardless of whether it felt like it sometimes. I was becoming restless and hopeless. I wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"Yes, getting my papers will finally be something. But I think God's sitting this one out; he has his hands full right now.” I gestured toward the stacks of boxes.

Berta glanced at the stack and pulled her glasses halfway down her nose. She turned and stared into me. “Honey child, God can handle a lot more than that, you wait and see. Now you go get yourself up outta here and give yourself a fantastic day ahead. Don’t let none of this nonsense ruin it for ya, 'cuz anyone would be lucky to have you in their life, baby girl. Don’t you forget that, ya hear me?”

“Yes ma’am” I nodded, knowing better than to argue with Ms. Berta when she’d put her foot down on something. I learned that lesson the hard way over a year ago. I strummed my fingers along the counter and turned to the door.

“I’ll do that. I’ll treat myself to a decent dinner tonight on your orders, Ms. Berta, okay? I waved a hand and pushed the door open with my hip. Ms. Berta answered a call, so she didn't manage a wave back. As the door closed, I heard her yell out, “YOU NEED HOW MANY MORE FILES? LORD HAVE MERCY!”

I couldn’t help but chuckle as I headed out of the primary entrance into the courtyard. My head still reeled from the news I’d been so close – so close – to finding something. The thumping in my chest lessened, but the anger that boiled deep within could set my heart ablaze. So close, and yet still so far.

This turned out to be quite the day already, and it wasn't lunch. I glanced at the sky and the clouds rolling overhead. The rain subsided, so I picked out shapes in them for a quick second before pulling my phone out once more. Taking it off silent, I checked the time and my emails. Nothing.

No calls, no texts, and no emails.

'Deep breath. Try to hold Ms. Berta’s words in your heart. Faith.'

A small tinge of pain struck my core at the thought of my faith slipping, so I buried it deep and looked back at the sky.

'Who is the man in the report? No, later. I will think about it later. Better day. That’s what I would focus on now.'

A few button clicks through deep breaths of focus, and I dialed a number. “Hey Savi! OMG you’re gonna wanna get here as soon as possible! You will not believe some of this new stuff we got in this latest shipment! You’re gonna freak out!” said a chipper voice on the other end of the line.

"Wow, Rach, how much coffee have you had today? Take it down a notch or twelve; it's too early for this amount of hyper."

“I don’t know, one, five. I lost count, but shut up and get here! I promise you won’t believe this stuff. I mean, I don’t understand; it’s all dusty and gross, but I know how you are, and the minute they unloaded, I knew you'd be floored. Your BFF is looking out for you, not taggin' any of it 'til you call dibs.”

“Alright, I’ll be right there shortly. Sue will be happy I’m coming in an hour early. And extra pay is always lovely. See ya in a minute.” I hung up and made my way to the bus stop at the end of the parking lot. I laughed to myself, imagining Rachel so hyped up on coffee. More deep, slow breaths as I walked, preparing for the bombardment of chatter that was about to come.

Faith. Breathes. Hope.